Comments on: Leaving Pebbles or Stones on a Grave Marker

By: ltilley

ltilley — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:31:15 +0000

A long time ago I read a story (Irish) that a man going off to war would leave a stone in a pile. . When he returned home from the war he would retrieve a stone. Because many men were killed in the war, stones remained and most likely the pile grew over time. The stones served as a reminder or sort of a monument to those men killed in the war.

My grandchildren, my husband and I have painted a picture or message on small, flat stones and sealed them with spray varnish. We left the stones at the grave site. It’s nice to visit the grave and see the stones are still there and shows the person isn’t forgotten.

By: ken osterhout

ken osterhout — Sat, 16 May 2009 14:49:47 +0000

I was in Israel about a decade ago and near a cemetary and noticed pebbles on top of gravesites. All that I knew about it then was that it is a Jewish Tradition and really liked it.
On 4/28/09 my Precious wife of 42yrs went to her heavenly reward and am telling my family and friends about these pebbles so they might do it.
I’ve done a little research and find this custom to be most interesting and comforting in my loss.

By: Nelle

Nelle — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:49:20 +0000

I always wondered why there was a stone or two on my family’s tombstone…and thought it was a sign that my uncle had been there since I often saw stones on his grand daughter’s tombstone, as well. Thanks to this website I now know the historical significance and also found on another website that Rachel’s sons left stones to build her tomb. I love that it has become a part of ecumenical customs. I will now use this tradition to honor my deceased loved ones.

By: Cynthia Zimmerman

Cynthia Zimmerman — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 17:19:22 +0000

This is such a beautiful and meaning custom. The stones are so well though out and meaningful. I used to simply pick up a stone from the area but it means so much more to me to have one that is designated just for my loved one. Thank you for making these and adding to the tradition.

By: Joe Mann

Joe Mann — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 03:22:43 +0000

Interesting…I always had a vague idea that this was a Jewish tradition and yet my family who is Catholic has placed pebbles on the grave markers of loved ones for some time and I’ve seen them sitting atop other markers in Catholic cemeteries, too! Maybe it’s creeping into popular custom as well. It always perks me up a bit when I visit a loved one’s grave and find more stones there than the last time I visited. I make sure to bring one pebble for each person I’m visiting.

Also the (non Jewish) cemeteries seem to have a sense of what we’re doing because I’ve never seen any of the pebbles removed.

By: abba-dad

abba-dad — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 01:04:53 +0000

For as long as I can remember, whenever I went to a cemetery one of the first things I would do was look for a stone to put on the grave at the end of the visit. I never really thought about it until now.

Another thing that I can think of that we do is approach and leave the grave site from two different directions. This way if you walk to the grave from the right, you leave to the left. I have no idea what that one means either.

By: Russ Dean

Russ Dean — Mon, 06 Nov 2006 01:00:38 +0000

On many cemetery markers theirs symbols (masons, knights of Columbus, whatever) I wonder if their was or is a symbol to indicate the person buried was a genealogist? Wouldn’t be great to indicate maybe to a future family member that you did that? Lets just say they might be doing a family tree and they see that symbol and they think “hey my great uncle did a family tree I’m going to try to find it too” What do you all think?

By: E Herbig

E Herbig — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 00:57:04 +0000

I once asked a friend of mine who is better educated than I am about this. He told me that it commemorates the gathering of family and friends to mourn the deceased. In ancient times when a person was buried out in the desert it was difficult to bury them deeply, and sad to say, scavengers and predators were a constant problem. So mourners usually brought stones with them when they came so that they could pile them onto the grave to discourage animals from digging up the body. The modern tradition of placing a small stone on a grave to honor the deceased seems to me to show how many people visit the grave, thus showing how much the deceased was loved in life, and also harkens back to an ancient tradition which shows respect for the mortal remains.
I have often considered placing a small stone on my mother’s grave in a Catholic cemetery. I wonder what would happen to it.

By: Roderick Sprague

Roderick Sprague — Sat, 30 Sep 2006 04:45:03 +0000

I would like to quote this as a source in a future publication, but I would like to quote Joe by his /her full name. See my Burial Terminology: A Guide for Researchers (pp. 117, 143) for some other views I found in the literature and from informants on the pebble question. Excellent photogoraph. Rick

By: jolie

jolie — Wed, 27 Sep 2006 00:48:42 +0000

i just stumbled upon your site and think it’s really nice! i’ve added it to the links section of my own.